i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize