U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
