I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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