Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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