quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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