@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize