I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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