fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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