i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
