Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
