i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
