butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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