Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
