She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
farters have to be the big spoon...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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