Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
