If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
