All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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