i need an iv and a liver transplant
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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