i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
