Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
