Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
