you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
