How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
