it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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