im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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