PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
