Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
