I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
