I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
