There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
