So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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