i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
