If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
