maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
