I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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