Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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