You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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