He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
