dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
