She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
