I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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