Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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