a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Found the puke drawer
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
