My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
