i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
