Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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