My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize