He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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