If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
