I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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