I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize