So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
