well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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