It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
