Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
