I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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