dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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