She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Randomize
