...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
