just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
