my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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