I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
