Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
