just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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