hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
