I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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