Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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