last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
