How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
